the money shots: what you do?

at david’s birthday maris poured some out for her dead homies,
or in this case rory who was out of town during the party.

wanted for ruining the doorman at rose bar’s evening once,
it’s the distinguished gentlemen!

checking out web md to make sure i am not experiencing
any symptoms of hepatitis

some of the people in this picture…

may have had something to so with this. not me though!

the money shots: mia still lacking in depth

now hold still indigo, daddy is going to teach you the virtues of the fire-fart!

the money shots: the truth edition

the skinny truth

choose your own caption:
a)donnie and his sister guarding the family jewels.
b)there is a 98 percent chance this girl has herpes, but thankfully a o percent
chance donnie was lucky enough to find out.
c)i didn’t know ryan sheckler smokes
d)after being checked for testicular cancer donnie invited his new friend to a $20
new orleans dinner, but insisted on paying $2000 for it. five star!
e)combined their skin color would be normal
f) one of these two is not jewish, but which one?
(sorry donnie, it’s been a while)

dj ru does his best jonah hill.

the money shots: the nasal douche

eighteen beers, six people, four bottles of wine, three packs of cigarettes,

two bottles of champagne, two chickens, two dogs, one brisket, one cake:

all made irrelevant by the appearance of ‘the nasal douche.”

“a method and device for filling or partially filling the nasal cavities of a person through both nostril openings with a liquid essentially while the head of the person is at a safe forward angle of tilt by pooling or tubing means for establishing communication of liquid with the nasal cavity of the person and by inhalation or external pressure allowing any liquid exiting the rear of the nasal cavities to drain into the back of the oral cavity of the mouth and embodiments of the device requiring the head of the user to be at a prescribed or greater angle of tilt during use by comprising spilling or shutting off means for assuring the head of the person is at least at a prescribed forward angle of tilt during use.”  preparing the nasal douche.

together we’re heavy. one of us has a clear nasal passages and one

of us was too scared to try it.   both of us were unaware of how much smoke

could fit in an apartment.

photos credit: “says she was forced to live with shamoon” all rights reserved.

the money shots: 78

an hour after this picture they lost $84,000 drinking dewars
and playing craps. they are still in aruba repaying their debt.
safe returns.

mia has a daughter. every night before bed
he prays that karma is nothing more than a
5 letter word.

obviously photoshopped.

the honorable judge shamoon resides. he’s reached a
verdict…”brioche it was!”

not pictured: bruce sulking in the corner because maris got
to live out his fantasy of twenty years.

ooh…so tough. an internet debut!

the last thing i remember from the evening. i believe it was
8pm. should anyone find that tie please return. no questions
asked, but also no reward.

would you believe our server was joran van der sloot? it
didn’t stop big al who had already loaded his diamond
plated fang in to devour the meat.

the money shots: right between your eyes

things started so innocently with a nice little party at the moma for tommmy hilfiger.

then the toxic brothers arrived

and things got a little weird

due to the taxi strike we were forced to steal a limo driven by this guy

and met lenny kravitz(s)

and made a new friend which binky wasted no time making out with.

things continued like this for the next few nights and then ben bon jovi came to town

as did bruce

bruce wishes the bottle was a penis. jonas wishes the bottle had more liquor in it.

and we found maris

who was out with anthony. they’ll be using this picture for a greeting card.

right after this bruce farted.

all of it left bruce and jonas to contemplate the meaning of life

the money shots: it’s like photo bukkake here

in a sign of the times and because painfully awkward feels slightly left out on the whole paris hilton thing, my friend (and couture king) charles sent me the following, hoping to help add substance to the page. he gets a minus one for the use of the not actual word ‘wanna’ (i wonder if he also uses the word lotta?) but his providing me the rare opportunity to post a photo of a very underage girl naked totally cancels it out. somewhere an i-banker smiles.

Nick UT, the photographer responsible for the iconic picture of the napalmed Vietnamese girl, is responsible for those photos of Paris Hilton crying her eyes out on her way back to prison… From war correspondent photographing subjects of importance and gravitas to paparazzi covering stupid bimbos. Makes me wanna puke but the guy needs to get his bread wherever he finds it.

the money shots: more than you do!

massson tries a sour patch kid.

marissa: even sitting in a bathtub i don’t look nearly as stupid as adam does!

because we were under the table we would have been safe if there was a tornado.

marissa: ok binks, what do you want to do with your hair this time?

adam: why senator, you look so pretty!
the senator: “i wonder if it would take one punch or two to knock adam out. i would feel bad making him cry in front of his friends. he probably would cry, yeah he would.”

the money shots: they won’t ever take me alive

look out ladies it’s garrett michael rudich. who am i kidding?
holy fucking shit, dj rudog has a son! in college i spent hours
watching him light his own farts on fire, among other things.
congratulations sarah and brian!!!

nancy holds her new grandson, as any proud grandmother would. within
minutes of hearing the news my mother calls me “nancy got a grandson
and all i got was some lousy fucking book?” all over the north shore
similar phone calls are made. “when will i have one,” wonders
the jewish mothers. not since the original entertainment book has something
been so in demand. congratulations nancy and fred!

the block gets married to nicole in miami. interestingly his hair
was dark black just moments before this photo was taken.

the senator makes a seder. here is the before picture when
everything was nice and orderly. during the seder the senator
grew enraged when she found out she was the youngest and required
to read the four questions. she released her anger by trashing the table
keith moon style, throwing everything out her window.

look mom! i made a chicken! i even kind of lead the seder. i was feeling
very manly until after the ‘festive meal’ the senator rolled up the sleeve of
her sweatshirt, challenged me to an arm wrestling match, and beat me in front
of all of her cousins. she also said if i told anyone she would kill me.
i’m moving tomorrow.

the money shots

in mexico we had to beg bruce to keep his shirt on at dinner.
i guess there was a table of sailors next to us.

much like hendrix made dylan’s ‘all along the watchtower’ his own,
dj rudog has done the same with sweet caroline.

rock hudson posed with girls too…even made out with them!

me? be seen? with adam? in public?
don’t you know i am the next alan dershowitz?
mommy says i have chutzpah!

you can’t tell, but le is giving me a hand job under the table.
it was awesome! brother mason captured the entire thing on film.