joan rivers and daughter, star jones, and a handful of other putrid looking hags will critique people who are much better looking than themselves which seems quite unfair. they will apply descriptive phrases to clothing that would be better suited for girlfriends. pathetic us weekly readers (white trash) will be lined up outside trying to get pictures of celebrities even though better quality and professionally shot paparazzi photos are available on the internet, in magazines, and on posters.
one female nominee’s stylists, who are sick of her, will pick out a really really terrible dress for her to wear. throughout the week they will continue to tell her how beautiful it is. the actress, being a sycophant loving idiot will assume they are right, that is until she hits the red carpet and has her assistants read her the internet the next morning. it must be quite a feeling to walk down the red carpet knowing you are poorly dressed. talk about revenge.
jaimee foxx will sing. though he was not nominated for anything or even invited to the show, he will be sitting front row with sunglasses on just waiting for his chance. additionally all other rappers nominated or just hanging out will be in sunglasses even though they are seated in a dimly lit auditorium. they will give “shout outs” to their boys and speak in words that will make the english dictionary feel sad.
the weinstein brothers will be seated next to very attractive girls confirming that love is blind…when you are the multi-millionaire heads of a major motion picture studio. while being photographed neither of the brothers will care even slightly that everyone knows the girls they are with don’t really care about them at all. they won’t impress me, i’d rather be with someone that likes me, if such a girl* exists.
the network will claim that a lot of people watched the oscars, but will offer no explanation as to why the majority of movies nominated and categories given awards relate to films and subjects that the average american has no clue about. i would be curious to see how many people in alabama enjoyed babel or cared about what a key grip does.
will leo win? will martin scorsese finally get his oscar? a better question is, who cares? aren’t all of these people attending the show big winners anyway? each one of them somehow managed to weasel their way into one of the most corrupt industries that exists and back stab their way to the top! just being where they are should validate their success quite nicely.
i do hope little miss sunshine wins something because the little girl was adorable and it was one of the only movies i enjoyed this year. the only other movies to move me over the past twelve months existed only as one to three minute clips on pornotube, and i believe there is a separate award show for them.
*that is until painfully awkward outsells however many volumes of harry potter were published and i instantly become more attractive to the opposite sex.
Posted by painfullyawkward 
